Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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