dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
