shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
