Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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