he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
