I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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