just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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