I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
