I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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