I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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