He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
