how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You took a bar mat shot.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
