So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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