I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
