I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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