Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
This gyro tastes like lonliness
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
