I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
