i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
soo... how was my night?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
