Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
