Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
