I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
