ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
