Your mouth is God's brothel.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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