I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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