I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
