if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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