Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
