so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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