She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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