Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
