there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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