Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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