so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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