you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
