omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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