god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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