Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He did a backflip because drugs
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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