allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
