the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
