I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
