I'm jealous of your bromance
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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