If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
