Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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