Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
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