I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
