I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
