I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
