i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
