yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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