i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
