As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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