I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
